Our Heart for Hungary

Hello, everyone,

This is the first time I am blogging about the adoption process that my wife, Andrea, and I are working through. We decided that we wanted to blog about the decisions that brought us here, the decisions and challenges we are currently facing, what we need to do next, and how you can be involved in all of this.

First, let me start with the decisions that brought us here. For a little background my wife and I both come from families that have adopted. My wife has five adopted siblings and I have one. We both knew from early ages that the example our parents were setting for us was something we wanted to emulate in our own families. This desire simply grew as we became adults and found each other. Adoption was something that we both felt strongly about and wanted to find a spouse who felt the same. Praise God that we did!

Once we realized we shared a common goal in adoption, we knew that we needed to start the process. Some people asked us why we are not waiting to have a child “of our own” (a phrase that, even if meant in love, makes adoptive parents cringe) and we answer, “We are. They just don’t know us yet.” We see the children we are blessed to adopt as “our children.” Just because they don’t share our DNA doesn’t mean they don’t share the DNA of our heart. Which brings us to the first step in the process, finding the right agency, and person, to help us find our children.

Andrea and I, after much prayer, decided to start by simply sending our information out to different agencies. The agency that we got the best and most professional response was from an agency who did international adoptions as well. You may have noticed a word there that you may not agree with – International. Why are we not adopting from here? Aren’t there children who need to be adopted from here? We will be and yes there are.

We didn’t decide to adopt internationally just ‘because.’ Please understand the heart behind our choice. Andrea has a heart for children from other countries and I have a heart for children from here, but the most important fact here is this: every child deserves a good home. We did plenty of research before finally landing on Hungary. Important factors for us was the efficiency of the overall process and the health of the child. We didn’t want to want to wait several years before the process was completed and we knew that we are not currently equipped to adopt a child with significant health concerns. Maybe someday we could but not right now. And we discovered, much to our surprise, adopting from the US comes with it’s own issues and obstacles that made us more inclined to adopt from somewhere besides here. On top of that, we discovered that adopting from Hungary could match us with a child, or a set of siblings, in little over a year. Furthermore, we could be reasonably confident that the child that is placed with us would not have significant health concerns. All of those factors combined together led us to conclude that we had made the right decision in choosing the agency we chose and Hungary.

We now had a country and an agency. Next we needed to start raising money and working through the plethora of paperwork. International adoptions are expensive because they involve two governments, two adoption agencies, numerous government officials and workers, translators, travel expenses, medical expenses, etc., etc., etc. Once this process is all said and done, we need to raise a significant amount. This fact, along with the fact that my wife and I are not yet wealthy millionaires, lead us to the conclusion that fund-raising would be essential to us successfully completing this process. It is not the easiest thing in the world to ask for financial assistance, especially when this financial burden would not be there if we were adopting locally.

As a man, the hardest thing is admitting you can’t provide the funds necessary for adding a member to your family. You feel it is your responsibility but this process has grown me and taught me that sometimes you can’t do everything yourself. We have felt the love and support of so many people, including our families, through this process that I’m glad we had to ask for help.

Now, where are we currently at? We have completed the first round of paperwork and fees, and the agency has determined neither one of us are bad, crazy people. The next step is the home-study where an agency, who works in conjunction with our agency, comes out and evaluates our home to make sure it will be safe and comfortable for the child. They also check our financial stability and that we have the emotional/psychological ability to a care for and raise a child. The size of our home and the number of bedrooms also determines how many children we can adopt. For instance, if we want to be able to adopt siblings of different genders we would need two separate bedrooms, which we don’t currently have. We weren’t sure if we liked that fact and we had planned on moving but we feel the Lord has told us to stay where we are at. After all is said and done with the Home Study, all of our paperwork goes to a judge in the State of Arizona who will continue to make decisions about us as individuals and as a married couple: he/she will make the ultimate decision (at least here in the states) about our fit-fulness as parents.

Now that is a lot of information and we understand if people still have questions or still don’t understand the entirety of the process. That’s ok, we are not experts ourselves. We are happy to answer any questions and are not looking for just financially support. We appreciate prayers, well-wishes, or any other type of support you would like to give us. We are so thankful to be going through this process and want to share our joy with everyone.

Going forward, Andrea and I are going to try to be better about updating all of you as we move forward. We realized that we haven’t done the best job updating people and we want to change that.

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You’ve been lied to

The hot topic right now that I see, especially among Christian friends of mine, is the “Inequality of Wealth” in this country. Now, this is a real issue and needs to be addressed but lets first look at why this topic is so prevalent and popular.

I believe this is happening for two reasons. One, we genuinely want to help the poor and powerless in our society. Many friends of mine believe and hold to Micah 6:8 which basically says, “Do justice. Love mercy. Walk humbly.” (Note: Just checked my tattoo to make sure I quoted the verse right) This is a great desire and I whole-heartedly encourage and support this desire. We, as Christians, should strive to live this verse out in our daily lives.

Its reasons two that I have a problem with. Two, and I think this is the bigger issue, we are so frustrated with big-box companies and the “One percent” not giving the way WE WANT that we are ok with, and in some cases even agree with, the government interfering. Is this really the way we should go? We see graphs, stats, and facts that tell us the poor are suffering. We see plenty of evidence all around us that companies in the US and overseas don’t really care about their employees. We also see the affect the minimum-wage, dead-end job is having on this country. People are upset and for good reason.

There is a deeper issue here. One that won’t be solved by the government “making” companies and the vaunted one percent give of their hard-earned riches more generously.

The root issue here is companies and the rich elite are being told they are selfish, they are hard-hearted, and that because they are rich (TOO RICH  according to some) they should give much more than us to the poor. Is it our responsibility to tell someone else how to spend their money? Should I, as a lower middle-class worker, complain and demand that the wealth of this country be redistributed? Should the rich be punished for their success?

We assume that every rich man or woman gained their riches by abusing their employees and that they hoard it in their mansions. We assume that the rich avoid taxes like Howie Mandel avoids germs. We are being told that they are the problem without being told the whole picture.

Let me ask you. If someone told you forty-percent of your income was going to taxes, what would you do? What I asked you to pay more right after you just got a raise? You’d cry foul, wouldn’t you? You certainly wouldn’t enjoy that raise nearly as much.

Should companies be more generous? Absolutely. However, this country was founding on the freedom of a company to refuse to do exactly that. We have no right to tell someone “You make too much! Give me some!” The idea of being one of those one-percenters used to be a goal in this country. It used to be if you worked hard and, honestly, got a little bit lucky you could be one of them. 

I agree with many people who point to the mega-corporations and loudly decry their treatment of their employees and the lack of permanent, sustainable careers at these corporations. Those are GREAT questions and those are REAL problems. However, we as a country have gotten lazy. Instead of voting with our wallets and voting with our ability to be the ones to create those new companies, or be the ones to change those corporations from within, we’ve turned to the government as the answer.

We look at how wealth “should be ideally distributed” forgetting that there is no such thing. People will succeed when they shouldn’t, people will fail when they shouldn’t. You can’t look at someone’s paycheck and say “Well, I’m going to take from this person since they make more and give it to this person.” It not only doesn’t work but it goes against the fundamentals of hard work and keeping what you earn.

This country has just hit the fifty-percent mark for the percentage of the population who receives some type of government assistance and I honestly ask, “Could that not be contributing to the overwhelming poverty and inequality that we see in this country?” I don’t believe its the only reason but why is that being not discussed?

We seem to believe, as a country, that it would be “better” if wealth was more evenly-distributed. We seem to believe that if we just spread the wealth out a little bit more everything would be better.

That is a lie.

If we really want to reinvent this country, we need to stop blaming the rich and martyring the poor. The are good rich people and there are evil poor people, and vice verse. If WE really want to change this country, maybe WE need to stop looking at paychecks and starting looking at the character of those who inhabit this country. If WE really want to change this country, maybe WE need to encourage companies to be more generous.

Maybe, WE THE PEOPLE, need to support the poor with our time, money, and effort. Maybe, WE THE PEOPLE, need to get out of our pews and get back into our communities. Maybe, WE THE PEOPLE, need to lead the charge by inspiring the next generation to be self-sufficient and not rely on the government. Maybe, WE THE PEOPLE, need to stop blaming inequality and the unfairness of our economy and start making a difference.

Maybe, WE THE PEOPLE, need to make the government obsolete.

Socialism isn’t the answer. Capitalism isn’t the answer.

This country WILL ONLY CHANGE when WE THE PEOPLE rise up and tell companies we’ve had enough. This country WILL ONLY CHANGE when WE THE PEOPLE decide that we want the freedom to succeed, to fail, and especially, to keep what we have earned. We have allowed greed to taint our view of the rich and we’ve allowed our love of celebrities and possessions to taint our view of NEEDS. We have allowed ourselves to be sold the lie of EQUALITY.

The answer is we need families to be together again. We need to say NO to teen pregnancies and single-parent homes. We need to say NO to a lack-luster education system, fifty years behind the world our students live in. We need to say NO to race and class warfare and a government big enough to take away everything from you at a whim. We need to say NO to heartless companies and cookie-cutter, assembly-line, so-stupid-a-monkey-could-do-it jobs.

Our countries has ALOT of issues and none are easy to fix. But its OUR responsibility to fix those issues NOT the government’s.

Socialism is a lie. Just like unfettered capitalism is a lie.

WE THE PEOPLE need to create close-knit communities that love their neighbor as themselves. WE THE PEOPLE need to “redistribute” the wealth to those who are less fortunate, not mandatorily, but FREELY.

You can claim I speak of an idealized society that doesn’t exist but if it doesn’t, then its our fault.

 

The Ugly Truth

I sit and stare

At this blank screen called life

Hoping and praying

But there’s nothing there

Well is dry

Engine is broken

Hit a crossroads between pain and promise

I see the destination

But what about this pothole

Laid right before my feet

Its like a pit

Bottomless, empty

And the sun just a little nightlight on the horizon

So many people lie, cheat, steal for the glory, the fame

Promising themselves they will never be called lame

They are broken

Like the promises their fathers made

As they laid

Little angels in their uncomfortable beds

With lice, fleas, and ticks munching on their heads

Keeping themselves warm with their thin sheets

Because Daddy doesn’t have two nickels to call his own

Instead he stuck a needle in his arm

And down the drain went the rent, the water, and now the lights

This reality isn’t a show

It doesn’t just have teeth it has fangs and it really bites

The little angel is slowly losing her wings

Crying, weeping, sobbing through the night

Wishing mommy with her tender words and soft cheeks would come back

But Daddy said

Honey, everything will be ok

Well he lied little darling

You sell your soul

That’s an investment you can never get back

Dark words for darker days

Terrible predictions for these terrible predicaments

Little princesses

Losing their crowns

Losing their minds

Selling their bodies to the court jester claiming to be a king

But this is all a joke, right?

Where is the reset button, the undo tab?

Why isn’t life a game?

Why couldn’t your man be Mario and you be Peach?

Instead, its all turned around

Its upside down

Your prince is in another castle

And you just used your one and final life

You checked out, shut down

Now you’re buried underground

Forgotten by your addict dad

And terrified mom

So many say goodbye to this cruel world

Too soon

Too few stand in the gap

Too many stand aside

Too many drive on by

We are all prodigals

But we are not the good Samaritan or the destitute Jew

We are the Priest who passes on the other side

We are the Levite who doesn’t have time to be the broken man’s guide

We seldom give comfort

But we greedily accept it

We bully

We mock

We scoff

We taunt, we tease, we refuse to see the greatness in the least of these

We build monuments in our minds

Monuments to our sin hidden behind religious dogma and false doctrine

Rude awakenings and fiery judgments await us wicked servants

A blind eye can only be turned so many times

Before its owner realizes his own lie

Told too many times

The eye is healthy

The man can see

But the question is

Will he?

This Ain’t Easy

This ain’t easy.

This is an answer I’ve given to loved ones as to why I struggle.

It seems to be in jest but really it stems from a broken heart that is drowning in the pain of addiction and is screaming out for help.

It is easy to write off the answer “This ain’t easy” as an excuse or an arrogant, defensive reply seemingly saying “You don’t get it!”

The problem is that this type of answer pushes away loved ones and puts up a barrier that further pushes the addict further down the rabbit hole of porn. This answer is so flippant that it fails to describe the depths of agony of the addict and turns off the potential supporter.

For the addict, it puts you on an island of protection, where your chances of recovery deteriorate even further. You have basically burned all bridges and made yourself a one-man army without any weapons or hope of survival.

Problem is This ain’t easy

Is a true answer.

It stems from a heart of pain in most cases (including mine).

When someone looks you in the eye, calls you a pervert and tells you bluntly,

“Why can’t you just quit?”

All words fail you. Your heart breaks inside your chest and tears well in your eyes. You can’t believe the lack of sympathy and deep inside bitterness grows, putting up a wall between you and that person.

It shatters you to your very core.

That happened to me.

I had two choices: I could hide or I could persevere and find others who could help me.

I hid.

I choose to allow the lie a human told me to pervade my mind and drown out the voice of God.

A voice that promised victory and peace.

But that was a much harder road to walk. That required sacrifice and the personal deprivation of self-satisfaction. I didn’t want to win.

Hiding behind an excuse (no matter how heart-felt its origins) is safe. Its comfortable.

But we, as men of God, are called to so much more.

Excuses like that don’t cut it.

Our Lord and Savior looked death in the face and cried tears of blood to His Father asking if there was another way. But then, He obeyed. That is the example we need to follow.

I would encourage all of you, especially the ladies, to understand the deep pain and hurt that lies behind the addiction to porn. Many men are addicted to the pleasure, and it doesn’t excuse their degraded view of women or their self-indulgence despite knowing better, but many of us are just broken men in need of support.

I’m not asking you to approve the behavior but many of us need to know that we aren’t perverts.

We already know that we’re broken. We already know how disgusting our behavior is to you. We already know that we need to change.

We want to change.

We just don’t know how.

We feel every tear so acutely. Every time we stumble, its like a knife digging deep inside our soul. We can’t even begin to explain just how badly it hurts to hurt those we love. Every mistake is etched in our minds and we ask ourselves “Why isn’t this easy?” “Why can’t we just overcome?”

No one understands better than us how sinful our behavior is.

We need people to kick us in the butts. Challenge us. Hold us accountable. To look us in the eye and say, “You know this isn’t right.”

But there are other times where your judgment just pushes us farther in.

Your hurtful words, stemming from your own broken heart (a break we caused), destroys us. Makes us feel like we are truly nothing.

It makes us feel so alone.

Then we seek the comfort of a companion who never complains. Never judges. Never asks anything of us.

We cowardly follow the temptress.

We give in to our sinful lusts. Actions that are in no way, shape or form, acceptable. But that is the only option we see before us.

We know it to be a lie and yet we fall right in.

All I ask is

Please don’t push us farther in.

This ain’t easy. This ain’t simple.

We, as addicts, have to change.

We know, deep, deep down, that we absolute, unequivocallyneed to change.

We know that we are on a path of no return where the only outcome is us being totally alone. We know that at some point the support is going to end. Our loved ones are going to leave us (as they rightfully should). Our addiction is going to keep growing and will, soon, overwhelm our work life and spiritual life. And growth into our spiritual life starts far earlier than we realize. A sure sign of our inability to actually feel anything spiritually.

I know this path isn’t an easy one. But I know it is the only path before my feet that doesn’t end in ruin.

This is #Day2 and This Ain’t Easy.

Pray It Like This

Sit alone,

Learn about yourself,

Change the situation,

Rewrite your history,

Make it make sense,

Make yourself believe

In the story you’ve told yourself for so long.

Room full of empty promises,

Ghosts of your darkest dreams,

No longer make-believe.

What do you do

When the demons come for you?

What do you scream

When the silence reigns?

What do you pray

When there is nothing left to say?

What do you believe

When the pain just won’t leave?

Pray it like this!

The silence terrifies you,

The emptiness envelops your soul,

Confront yourself in the mirror,

And see what you’ve become,

Make sure you trim those horns.

Flush out

All other sounds,

Make it loud,

Until the windows shake,

Make me proud!

What do you do

When the demons come for you?

What do you scream

When the silence reigns?

What do you pray

When there is nothing left to say?

What do you believe

When the pain just won’t leave?

Pray it like this!

Wish list,

Are you strong enough to fight through this?

Is this emptiness you feel

The only thing that’s real?

Can you feel me?

I am right beside you,

Always behind you.

Can you hear me?

I am always so close,

Comfortable,

Whispering in your ear!

Am I the lies,

That try to drive you to

The very edge

Of sanity?

Am I alive,

Or am I

The grave,

Telling you

To be so brave?

What do you do…. (tell us how to stop this)

When the demons come for you?

What do you scream…. (silent prayers, you’re just whispering)

When the silence reigns?

What do you pray…. (hands folded, hearts so cold its so sad)

When there is nothing left to say?

What do you believe….. (now the truth will be known, this world is

not your home)

When the pain just won’t leave?

Pray it like this!

Pray it loud,

Pray it long,

Pray it proud.

Never give up,

Never give in,

Never shut up!

Never back down….

What do you do

When the demons come for you?

What do you scream

When the silence reigns?

What do you pray

When there is nothing left to say?

What do you believe

When the pain just won’t leave?

Pray it

Like this….

That’s Why

Why do I want to write?

An interesting question that crosses my mind,

Unbidden, not necessarily unwanted, just not understood.

I lay here,

Contemplating the events of the day,

My mistakes and my actions,

Wondering why the itch stirs itself now.

What do I want?

What do I seek?

What do I believe I can gain from anything I write?

What makes my heart stir with passion?

What makes me think I have anything worthwhile to say?

What do I long for?

What does my heart desire?

Do cloud the horizon of my judgment with my own doubts?

Or do I anticipate calamity wisely and prudely?

Why does my mind flood constantly with the thoughts

Of one and only one person?

Does the enigma fascinate me that much?

Is this only a game I wish to play?

Do I value the person underneath the mystery?

Or do I treat her like a book whose cover interests me

Only to grow bored after a few pages?

Do I have fears founded in reality?

Or is it just my heart wishing for clarity

Eagerly filling in the holes with guesses and half-truths to soothe my

soul?

Do I value sound judgment in others

But fail to examine myself?

Do I give in too easily

And then grow frustrated when events transpire

Exactly like I said they could?

Do I listen, truly listen not just hear, the counsel of others?

Or did subvert their conclusions with doubts of my own

Since I cannot believe the truth?

Do I pass on the expectations of myself to others

Only to be surprised when they act differently than I expect?

Oh, double-minded man, you see truth and deem it lies.

You have been hurt so badly

That joy seems impossible

And everything must have an underlying motive.

Peace again reaches my soul

With my own chastisement.

For I know see

My own folly.

Worrying about everything

Accomplishes nothing.

Seizing happiness is difficult,

Especially if you never try.

I’d rather fail, fail miserably in fact,

Then have lost out on something amazing

Because I was too afraid to try.

Hesitation, breeds worry,

And multiplies into regrets.

I will not be the prisoner

To the master of indecision

And I will not be a slave to worry.

Happiness stands at my door,

I can hear her gentle knocking,

My hand grasps the knob ever so tightly,

Fear twisting a knot in my stomach.

Beyond my door lies a future

Of endless possibilities

That I cannot control.

I can’t schedule time for joy,

I can’t pencil in love,

And I certainly can’t restrict happiness.

So I open the door,

And allow myself to be pulled

In directions I would have never gone otherwise.

For it is not the destination,

Or even the journey

That makes the ride worthwhile.

It is the companion beside me,

The hand that I hold,

And the smile makes my heart skip a beat.

And that

Is why I write.

It Would Be Nice

When I originally started to write this post, I could feel the depression sinking and taking hold. No good reason to be so melancholy or so dramatic. So I started to write and I could feel the sadness and self-pity seeping into every word. I could feel the emo-side of me trying to get attention and get some comfort. I mean, that is why you post really melancholy things at times. At least, that’s true for me.

But then I sat back and realized how pathetic I was being. Yeah, I had to pour out a substantial portion of my savings to fix my car. Yeah, I wish two months flew by and I was already graduated. Yeah, I wish I had a different job, one that I really loved. BUT who I am when things aren’t going right is going to decide what my future looks like. If I get that “dream job” and the job gets hard, am I going to stick it through or cave like I am now? Do I wish I had someone to comfort me? Absolutely. But right now, the Lord is that comfort. I don’t need to turn to others, no matter how much I would like that.

We all have times in our lives where we need the support of others, and that is why the Lord puts them in our lives. But (there are a lot of those in this post) they aren’t the answer to our problems and they should never be our savior. We put people on a pedestal that they should never have to stand on. People should never be given that burden. And I have in the past, used others to soothe my frustrations and issues, putting a burden on them that they shouldn’t have to bear. And I refuse to do that again.

I’ve learned, both through trails and error, that if I want to be a good boyfriend and future husband and father, I need to be able to stand on my own two feet. And when I fall, I need to turn to the Lord first and then my spouse. If I get that order reversed, I will wear her down and wear her out. It creates an unhealthy relationship and I have no desire to experience that or introduce that type of behavior into a relationship.

The lies I buy into, shape how I view my day and my situation. I buy into the lies that “I’m alone”, “No one cares”, and “I’m nobody special.” I understand why others feel like that and I constantly attempt to persuade them that it just isn’t true. However (that’s a fancy but), do I believe my own propaganda? Do I allow my own advice to permeate my soul and really change me for the better? When faced with the lies that I constantly face, what do I do to combat it? Do I shrink inside of myself and over-analyze my day? Magnifying the bad and ignoring the good?

If I want to change my outlook, I have to change my thinking. When I try to fill the Christ-shaped hole in my heart (one that is still healing from an improper transplant where I replaced Christ with a person and my body rejected it), I experience loneliness, despair, and depression. When I allow God to speak truth to me and give me peace, through His gentle voice and through people, I still experience those same emotions but I understand what they truly are and what place they have in my life. The same circumstances and tribulations will come but its not what happens that decides my attitude, its how I respond.

The title of this blog started out as a whiny poem but when I realized how silly I was being, I changed my tune and completely erased the poem. However, I’m going to leave the title as a reminder to myself of what happens when we focus on the what-ifs and our selfish wants. “It would be nice” if everything went my way, but that’s not how it works. “It would be nice” if relationships were simple and girls were easy to understand, but they’re not and they aren’t supposed to be easy or simple. “It would be nice” but I understand that nothing is as bad as I make it and nothing is as dire as it seems.

It would be nice, if everything made sense, wouldn’t it? But then I could never solve the jigsaw puzzle.

Clarity

A fading glimmer,

Found in a glance,

Pulled as if from a trance.

Freedom found in the

Absence,

Rather than the occupation

Of thought.

Belief found,

Doubt destroyed,

Wings extending wide

Come along for the ride.

Leaderless

But never thoughtless.

Confounded and stunned

But confidence never undone.

I once was simply devoted,

Now the idol is cast aside

For true worship.

Never again a slave,

Now that the cost of freedom is known.

The scars run deep,

Sometimes to the bone.

They knit together a stronger me,

Who wants more than

To simply

Be.

Therefore I can.

No goal too great,

No wish exists solely in the realm of cloud nine.

Everything I want will be mine.

I am not greedy,

I am not blind.

I know the cost,

I gladly pay.

I know that blood, sweat and tears

Are the ingredients to this miracle potion.

I cannot have

Unless I want it more than you.

I may desire,

But that does not equal ownership.

I want

Therefore I work.

I need

Therefore I acquire.

I love

Therefore I desire.

Worth Every Step

You just have to believe,

No matter what you see,

No matter what you think,

You might have, maybe saw,

See through the disguise,

Because Satan is wearing them all.

Blind yourself to the past,

Open your eyes to the future.

One is crystal clear,

The other cloudy.

Try hard,

Love harder.

Unconditional is vulnerable,

But the rewards are great.

Smash the mirror

When it lies,

Plug your ears

When your eyes fill with tears,

And don’t let anyone near.

Safety lies outside proximity,

The comfort zone lined with mines,

Loneliness your only company

And soon regret will join the group.

A trifecta from hell,

Let the demons dance,

Throw a little parade

Because nothing is decided,

Nothing is sure,

The score actually isn’t tied,

I lied,

And now the devil is gonna lose.

When you see imperfections,

I see something beautiful,

Something unique to you.

A story you could tell

A thousand times over,

And I still won’t get bored.

You’re not someone I ever could have ignored.

And when you realize that

Happiness won’t take so many tries,

No matter how many good byes,

And pain won’t be a surprise,

No longer an overwhelming flood,

At least for those cleansed by his blood.

Peace is the serenity

When you’re found the end of your rope,

And nothing you do will make it change,

You’ll find yourself free of cares.

So ready to just let go,

The long drop, full of promise,

But I won’t let you go.

Safety is nowhere to be found,

Certainty isn’t assured,

At least not right now.

Long road from where you’re standing,

Worth every step.

Describe Me

Describe Me.

Do it in one word or less,

I would call me Blessed.

Anointed by your blood,

Prodigal Son called home,

Broken on the Cornerstone.

Driven by emotion,

Ruled by passion,

Believer in the moments

Deciding sorrow and success,

A path that lies carefully between hot coals,

Failure just one misstep away.

Capitalize on the moment,

Believe it to be true,

Intuition never lies,

Listen to what your heart has to say.

Bewitched by a smile,

Youthful fantasies,

Can’t they be true for just a moment?

Describe me,

Just one more time, I say.

Romantic,

Uncertain,

Free.

Free to fall,

Free to fail,

Free to decide what I believe.

I will give my all,

Even if

Its all given in vain.

Patient,

If the prize is worth the wait.

Impatient,

If the goal is so far away.

Contradiction,

Existing simultaneously

Inside of me.

Eager,

To succeed,

To experience the heights of success,

To escape the depths of my failure.

Valuable,

Friends, family,

And those who occupy that special place

Of now but not yet.

Two titles,

Neither truly one or the another,

A beautiful combination,

That describes a relationship,

Uniquely a friend,

Hopefully future family.

Describe me,

Vague,

Complex,

Contemplative,

Distant,

Thoughtful,

At least when I wish to be.

Loud,

Friendly,

Sarcastic,

Emotional,

But only if my heart is stirred,

By a soul as deep as my own.

A soul, surrounded by hazel leaves,

That sees so deeply into me.

Lost in the maze of my own mind,

Forever to wander,

Longing to be found.

Connection undeniable,

Context absent,

Riddle remains.

Unless you hold the key.

Describe me,

Confusing.