More Questions than Answers

The tone of my thoughts,

The pace set by my emotions,

Steadily heads towards the realm of uncertainty.

I have asked these questions before

And I’ve never been less certain of the answers.

Why God did I have take this path?

Was this pain planned in sovereignty?

I didn’t want to be broken and betrayed

Once,

Let alone twice.

I didn’t want to lose, who I thought,

Was my soul mate.

I didn’t want to open myself up

Only to have a fresh twist

On an old betrayal.

Once so naive about love,

Now helplessly jaded,

And slightly afraid.

Vision of the past

Don’t seem to fade,

I wish for reconciliation,

The only thing to make everything all right.

I will bend, almost until I break,

To make things right,

When its not my fault everything went so wrong.

Why does life have to be so hard?

Why why why why?

I ask the question over and over again,

Without an answer from the skies.

Why are you silent tonight?

Where were you when I prayed?

I asked, I pleaded to know

What your will was,

But I never wanted this.

Why did you take me to such familiar territory?

Why did we have to go here?

Don’t you know, Lord,

This is the realm of my fears.

I was here once and was destroyed,

So what reason could you possibly have

For a return trip?

I am losing faith

In the concept of love.

I am tender-hearted

And I have been hurt,

Left with more questions than answers.

I’m told I’m kind,

I’m told I’m gentle,

I’m told I’m a great guy.

All beautiful words,

That don’t soothe the feeling of loneliness

That creeps in when the light fades into night

And I’m left to wonder about my life.

Doesn’t help me

When I wonder why I wasn’t good enough to keep.

Why did he have

That I couldn’t give?

What could I have said differently

To persuade you to stay?

What could I have done differently

To keep myself from being betrayed?

Why do I care so much

If you’re hurt, sad, or confused?

Why can’t I accept circumstance

And not rail against fate?

I’m left with only tears

And questions without answers.

Reminders of the past,

Pop up like putrid flowers

In the cemetery of my past relationships.

I understand the doom and gloom

Of my seemingly hopeless words,

But sometimes the night seems endless,

And the light so far away.

I’m stuck in the moment,

Not understanding the grander plan.

I want to obey,

And seek your face.

But failure after failure

Have slowed my step a pace.

Anger, bitterness, and salty tears

Make me hesitant to step out in faith.

I’m sorry, Lord,

I wish I was stronger,

But I’m just a broken man.

I haven’t faced the devil himself,

But I’ve met his devils

And they’ve done fine work.

I want to persevere

I never want to step back,

But, Lord, I’m tired.

I’m tired of being alone.

I’m tired of making mistakes.

I’m tired of being betrayed.

Why can’t this be easy?

Why can’t you shout in my ear

Shatter my eardrum with good news?

More questions than answers.